It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
