how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
