shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
