she pinky promised me she was 18
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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