mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
