Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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