That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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