I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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