I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
