Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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