I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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