I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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