How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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