Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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