i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
