do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize