It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
