i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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