love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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