Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
