Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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