Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
