Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
