Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i think my cat just said my name.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
