Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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