what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
