Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just cropdusted the office
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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