dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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