I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just pee around me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
