her facebook's as public as her vagina
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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