i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
