I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
