I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
