Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
