you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, beer. Big fan.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
