I wish my penis had an off switch
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well I just put wine in my tea
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize