Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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