never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
