shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I AM VODKA MAN
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
