i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
