I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
