Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
