If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
