Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
