I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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