I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
