Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
