some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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