winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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