you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
