I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
