Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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