He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
