i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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