guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
