are you still at the devil's house?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
