she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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