I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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