Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
