haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
