You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
