The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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