My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
