Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
