His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
