Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
