no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
