I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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