i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The feeling are messing with the penis
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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