you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
