Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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