i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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