: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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