Tell her she can't have a vagina
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
