So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
