K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
